..is breaking my heart. I hate every minute without you. Every second feels like an eternity. Saying goodbye to you was the hardest goodbye I ever had to say in my whole entire life. I know it's 'just' for 4 months but still. You not only own my heart but you've crawled underneath my skin and I just can't stand being without you.

Can't believe I'm home for the first time in almost 2 years. Everything looks the same but feels different. I have no desire to see anybody right now. I barely wanna get out of bed. I just wanna lay there and wait for 4 months to pass. I feel like I'm dying inside - like my heart is literally breaking, just by being away from you. I hate sleeping without you. I hate waking up without you. I hate everything without you!!!!!!!!!!!!

If I had more tears to cry, believe me I would. I would cry not a river but a whole fucking ocean of tears if I knew that it would bring me back to you. And I know I should enjoy this time, being home and seeing old friends and family but right now I'm horrible company. All I do is stare at the wall, waiting for the days to pass. I don't feel like making conversations. I don't feel like telling people how I feel. I just wanna be with you! If you were here I'd be the happiest girl in the world. If I could hold your hand and kiss your lips and fall asleep with your arms around me and wake up with your arms still around me, and if I could spend all my days and nights with you, that would make me happy. That would make me wanna live forever - but not even forever would be enough time with you. Somehow it seems like we never have enough time together. It's always something that has to come in between. Either work or school or people or stupid crap like my visa..

Why is it so much to ask.. To just be with you and be happy?We're not hurting anybody. We are not making public scenes or do something wrong.. We are just very much in love and wanna be together. Why is that so much to ask for? I really don't get it. Fuck everything!!! Life is just a fucking misery without you. Every fucking second without you is a fucking misery.

 

Anna

20 maj 2013 08:56

Du kanske bör uppskatta livet lite mer än vad du gör. Det är två år sedan du var hemma. Uppskatta denna tiden du får tillsammans med din familj och dina vänner i Sverige istället för att vara missnöjd hela tiden. Jag förstår att det är jobbigt att vara ifrån någon man älskar och det är aldrig roligt, men det handlar bara om en kort tid i ditt liv. Passa på att göra sådant du inte kan göra i USA och njut istället så kan jag garantera dig att tiden kommer gå fortare. Ingenting blir bättre av att tycka synd om sig själv. Du är i USA fortare än du tror igen. Var inte så otacksam. Livet kunde ha varit betydligt värre.

nela karlsson

23 maj 2013 00:14

Jag är inte missnöjd hela tiden. Jag tycker bara att det är extremt jobbigt att vara utan min kärlek. Jobbigt att vara hemma och känna sig beroende av t.ex sin familj eftersom jag inte har en inkomst för tillfället och det känns lönlöst att söka ett jobb för dessa fyra månader.

Det är så mycket i livet jag är tacksam för. Och bara för att jag går igenom en jobbig fas just nu och väljer att ventilera om det i _min_ blogg betyder det väl knappast att jag är otacksam och inte uppskattar livet, eller mina nära och kära?!

Från
    Kom ihåg mig
URL

Säkerhetskod
     

Kommentar

      I can't believe I'm back.. Back home in Cali with my man. My other home I mean. A girl should be so lucky to have two homes. One back in Sweden and one here in California with my man. My man. My love! My other half! To think I almost d...

     Oh my god.. I can't believe I haven't written anything in so long. I was always so passionate about this whole writing thing. Even though most of what I would write here would just be a way to vent, I still enjoyed doing it. Anyways.. What h...

  9 days until this AMAZING man of mine is finally here with me.  do I even have to explain why I love him? ..didn't think so. ...

I have been a huge westlife fan for as long as I can remember. nowadays whenever I hear a westlife song, I picture myself slow dancing to it with the love of my life. I picture us laying in bed and just cuddling to it. god, that man of mine.. I ca...

waiting. waiting. waiting.    34 days left until I get to see my man again. 34 days until that first airport kiss that is going to be so full of love and yeah, a bit of salt from all those happy tears that will stream down my face the second I se...